


You Mean Everything to Me

by CarveLoathesome



Category: In Treatment, The Place Beyond the Pines (2012), dane dehaan - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Barely Legal, Conflict, Cute Ending, Drug Use, Drugs, Drunk Driving, Fist Fights, Fluff, Follows the Plots, Kissing, M/M, Phone Calls, Selfcest, Sexuality Crisis, Smoking, Stealing, Therapy, Wet Dream, Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:28:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27959945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarveLoathesome/pseuds/CarveLoathesome
Summary: “None of that even matters. I was planning on dropping out anyway. Just. Do this for me, okay?” He didn’t mean to sound so desperate but truthfully, he was desperate. He wanted this to work out. He needed it to. Anything to give him some sort of hope for the future.But Jason isn’t just ‘anything’. He’s everything.Jason takes a moment of consideration before caving, “Fine. It’s a plan.” Jason grins and leans his head down, burying his nose in Jesse’s hair and closing his eyes, inhaling his intoxicating scent.
Relationships: Jesse D'Amato/Jason Glanton





	1. Turning me onto lung cancer, I'll cherish you forever.

Jesse has been going to therapy sessions for about 4 weeks now. The only reason he’s going is so that he won’t get suspended from school and further fuck up his already downward-spiralling life. He used to think it was a load of bullshit - and still kind of does in a way - but he was starting to like his therapist. Being able to spew his problems to someone and have them care wasn’t something he was used to. Going to sessions was a weekly distraction - an escape in a way.

It’s another boring Tuesday and Jesse is sitting cross-legged in his therapists’ waiting room. It isn’t really a waiting room; more like a small hallway with a few squeaky leather chairs lined up next to each other. The walls are an impressive shade of white and embellished with overrated and pointless modern art pieces. Jesse’s eyes drag along the room lethargically, looking for objects to focus on and re-dissect like he does every time he waits here. He notices pieces of paint peeling off of the wall next to the large oval-shaped clock with long, spiky arms and roman numerals instead of numbers.

That clock had always bothered him. He remembers the first time he saw it, _“Jesus, what century are we in? Can people still read this stuff?”_ he’d mumbled to himself. He hates how pretentiously this room is decorated compared to all the rest in his therapist’s house. It doesn’t make sense and he hoped to god that the rest of the rooms won’t follow in its footsteps.

He slides his phone from his pocket. _3:36 pm_

He was meant to start his session 11 minutes ago. Jesse screws up his face as he becomes impatient, knocking his fists together and shifting positions in his seat.

_God, what is taking so long?_

The doorknob twists and the door swings open. A dark-haired boy with striking blue eyes and big rosy lips steps out of the room. Jesse glances up at him and is immediately startled by how attractive he is. The boy’s lips lie gently parted as he shuts the door behind him with a click. He glances momentarily at Jesse and gives him a once over. After adjusting his backpack he turns to grab his jacket from a coat stand in the corner of the waiting room.

“Sorry if I cut into your session time...” “I just had a lot to talk about I guess.” He says calmly, making temporary eye contact with him as he fiddles to get his jacket off the hook.

It was then that Jesse noticed the uncanny resemblance he held with the boy.

_Maybe it’s the lips_ , he thought.

“It’s fine. I don’t really need it anyway, my mom’s forcing me to go.” he pauses, “What’re you here for?” his question came off meaner than he had intended.

The boy hesitates, pursing his lips, “Well.. I was buying drugs for me and my friend.. ended up getting arrested. My parents thought that a therapist might help me get out of my bad habits.” he breathes a laugh to himself. “Load of shit.” He shakes his head, his mouth pulled up slightly at one corner. He pulls on his coat and glides a packet of cigarettes from his pocket, taking one out and placing it between his lips.

“Well, that sucks.” Jesse gives him a knowing look; it was kind of like when he was caught selling his Adderall to kids at his school.

The boy pats down his jacket pockets, looking for a lighter, the cigarette hanging loosely from his red lips as he agrees with Jesse.

“Shit, I think I’ve lost my lighter. You don’t have one, do you?”

“Uh, no sorry. I don’t smoke.”

The boy takes the cigarette and places it into Jesse’s hand.

“A present from me to you.” a smirk plays on his lips.

Jesse bites his lip. _Damn this kid is hot._

“Turning me onto lung cancer. I’ll cherish it forever.” He says sarcastically, a small grin spread across his face.

The boy smiles at Jesse before turning to walk out the door.

“Hey, wait,” Jesse calls. He turns to meet his gaze once again. His eyes are giving Jesse butterflies and he swallows before adding, “I didn’t catch your name..”

He looks to the floor before replying, “But I caught yours,” he pauses, giving Jesse a look that left his stomach in knots, “Jesse.” He leaves without saying another word.

_How’d he know my name?_

“Hey Jesse, you can come in for your session now.” His therapist had emerged from the room without Jesse’s knowledge.

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Jesse snapped out of his mind.

-

“Who’s the guy who was here before me? He’s super hot.” Jesse giggles.

“Well, I’m not allowed to talk about other patients in therapy, Jesse, you know this.”

“Oh c’mon. Aren’t we friends?” He makes exaggerated puppy eyes, trying to get him to cave.

“It’s a very strict rule, Jesse.” He replied rather formally.

Jesse scanned the room over as he formed his next sentence, “How’d he know my name then?”

“Well, I don’t know.” His therapist was convincingly unwavering but he didn’t quite buy it.

“Sure.” Jesse shot an accusing look his way. There is a short silence before Jesse says, “Plus, you’re the one constantly complaining about me getting with guys too old for me..” He waits for a reply but doesn’t get one, “Don’t you want me to get some legal dick?” He quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Jason’s not gay, Jesse.” He lets the name slip and immediately recoils at his mistake.

Jesse hums, satisfied, “Jason huh? I’ve always liked that name.” He said, more to himself than to anyone else. “We’ll just have to see about that not being gay thing.” He smirks.

His therapist shakes his head, smiling softly. Jesse can’t tell if it’s sincere or not. “We should really be talking about you, Jesse.”

“That’s fine. I’ve already got all the information I need.” His smirk widens.


	2. Loner Stoner

Jason has always enjoyed being alone. One of his only friends, AJ, likes to call him a “loner stoner.” Jason thinks it’s pretty accurate, but refuses to admit it out loud. He’s a quiet kid but constantly has a lot on his mind. Over the years, he’s picked up some methods to clear his foggy brain; one being late-night bike rides, as simple as it sounds.

It’s nearly 11pm and Jason’s peddling down a dead black street. He’s had a lot to think about lately, with all the disorientation of moving to a new place. He found the whole process quite jarring - new school, new friends, new _assholes_ to deal with. The only thing illuminating his path is the deep orange street lights towering over the pavement.

He glances down as he feels a droplet of water land on the back of his hand and trickle down to his handlebars. The sky swirls in harsh grey clouds over the city. He looks up as rain starts bucketing down on him, hitting the floor and splashing at his ankles. He’s never been fond of rain; cold and wet and bone-chilling. He was already a generally cold bodied boy, he didn’t need the added chill.

He grinds to a halt at the base of a tall block of apartments. It was too dark to make much sense of his surroundings, everything seemed drowned out and splotchy. So much for the street lights.

He drags his bike up the stairs and rests it against the steel railing before settling near the apartment door. It was cold here, the slight wind still vaguely catching him despite the barriers. At least it was shelter. Rain throbs in his ears as it beats onto the floor and the roofs of houses. It’s almost overwhelming. A red-yellow flame flickers as it lights his pre-rolled joint to pass time. He inhales it deeply, filling up his lungs with calming pollution, and moves back to rest his weight on the wall.

His hand plays with the hem of his shirt and he takes a lacklustre step forward to look out onto the street, exhaling.

But then he’s snapped out of his daydream.

The building’s main door swings open and someone runs out, crashing hard into him. His joint falls from his hand onto the wet steps beside him as the person curses.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” They sniffle, looking disarrayed, and not meeting Jason’s eyes.

Jason looks up at the person, annoyed that he’s lost his half-finished joint to the soggy concrete beneath him. He recognises them.

“Jesse?”

Jesse's eyes are burned with a red gradient, his face wet and his cheeks flushed a deep rouge. His lip is curled outwards and he sniffles again. He’s dressed in a suit with his shirt’s top button undone and his tie loosened around his neck.

“Oh shit, uh, hi.. Jason.” He lifts one hand to wipe away the salty tears escaping down his face.

“What’s wrong?” People crying usually doesn’t get to Jason, not even his close family, but he felt a weird overwhelming sadness deep in his core while looking into Jesse’s eyes. Like he could feel the pain behind them.

“Uh, it’s nothing, really.” “God, I must look like a fucking mess.” His eyebrows furrow harshly as he looks at the ground. He glances back up to Jason to meet his concerned gaze. He can’t stop himself from melting into his eyes and a wave of calm washes over him like a shiver running the surface of his body.

It was then that it clicked for Jason that he’d been standing at his therapist’s apartment building.

“You’re at therapy a bit.. late.” He observes as he waves his hand towards the building.

“Yeah, I know,” Jesse cuts himself off and screws his eyes shut for a second, sucking in a deep breath before looking Jason straight in the eyes, “Why do you think I’m seeing our therapist? I mean, I could just live here or something.” Even when in tears Jesse doesn’t lose his attitude.

“Well, do you?” Jason retorts and relaxes back against the wall behind him, returning to his old position.

Jesse tries to think of something snarky to say back but ends up choking when Jason absentmindedly bites his lip, agonizingly slowly. “No.” Jesse feels tears well up in his eyes again thinking about what just went down. How stupid he’d been for showing up after hours for an emergency therapy session just to feel like even his therapist didn’t care. A single tear escapes Jesse’s eye and falls down his face. Before he could wipe it away Jason steps forward and places a soft hand on Jesse’s cheek, wiping away the tear with his thumb.

“Don’t cry.” Jason felt an overwhelming need to pull Jesse to his chest and stroke his head until he’s no longer sad. Until the pain behind his eyes calms down. But he doesn’t. Jason was shocked by how sentimental he felt towards him. The way Jesse looked into his eyes, so pleading and painful, made him feel like he was the only one in the world who could take away his hurt. Like he wanted him. Like he _needed_ him.

_I’m being ridiculous_

“I just feel like nobody wants me around.” Jesse says quietly. He feels woozy from Jason’s touch.

“I want you around.” Jason blurts out before thinking. He seizes his breathing for a second, unsure of what Jesse’s reaction would be.

Jesse looks up at Jason, they meet eyes in an unspoken moment of solace. Jason’s presence feels electric as Jesse melts into his gaze, completely taken over.

However, the moment was soon shattered by the loud ringing of Jesse’s phone. Jesse, slightly annoyed by the abrupt break in that blissful moment, checks the caller ID.

“It’s my fucking mom.” Jesse switches off his phone, shaking his head. “She probably wants me home.” _Just so she can actually seem like a good parent,_ he thought.

Jason lets out the breath he forgot he was holding, “I’ve, uh, I’ve got to go anyway.” He says as he comes back to reality. One of the things he cherishes in himself is his ability to stay grounded and not to lose himself easily. He feels strange that he lost himself in Jesse so easily. He’s questioned his sexuality before… but never quite like this. Jesse made him weak at the knees and it messed with his head.

The rain outside has stopped but the floor is drenched with the aftermath. Without another word he walks down the steps and mounts his bike. “I’ll see you ‘round, I guess.” He had intended it to be a question but it came out sounding more like a statement.

Jesse nods. “Thanks for being so nice to me. You really didn’t have to.” He wipes his nose gently.

“Well.. I meant what I said.” Jason looks at his handlebars, and then to the steps. “Oh, and you owe me a joint; you knocked one out of my hand when you ran into me.” He says with a laugh to sound less serious.

“It’s a promise.” Jesse grins.


	3. Wet Dream

_Jason pins Jesse up against the wall, he gasps as Jason’s cold hands slide up his shirt and down his sides. They kiss hard, smashing their desperate lips together, Jason’s boner growing each time their hips meet to grind together. Jesse breaks the kiss to manoeuvre swiftly, changing positions with Jason, slamming him into the wall, a surprised gasp escapes Jason’s mouth. He grabs the smaller boy’s hips pulling him into him as their lips meet again. Jesse slides his wet tongue into Jason’s mouth and their tongues battle for dominance._

_They make their way to the bed, not breaking the kiss. Jason falls on top of Jesse and starts undressing him. He glides his hand down Jesse's smooth stomach before leaving small kisses from his navel to his neck, taking the soft flesh into his mouth and sucking gently. Jesse whimpers and tangles his hand in his soft brown hair, the other tugging at his shirt. Jason sits up to remove his shirt and Jesse starts working at the bigger boy’s belt, tearing open his pants and tugging them off while licking his lips. He palms him through his boxers, his huge boner making Jesse hungry for him. He thumbs the tip of his dick through the fabric where the wet spot has formed as a moan escapes Jason’s mouth._

_“You like that?” Jesse says seductively, looking up at him through his eyelashes._

_“Fuck, yes.” Jason inhales sharply as Jesse continues to rub him agonisingly slowly through his underwear. It goes on for another flustering 10 seconds and Jason can’t take it anymore, “Please, fuck..” he whines as he grabs Jesses pointy hips, pulling him desperately closer to him, “touch me.” he begs._

_Jesse gives a satisfied smirk and tugs down his boxers, his massive throbbing erection springing up to his stomach. He briefly admires his size before leaning down and licking him slowly from base to tip, finally taking his entire length into his mouth as his right-hand squeezes the base of his cock. Jason’s breath hitches, his stomach in knots as he meets Jesse's lustful eyes, moving his head up and down as he sucks. His teeth graze the tip of his penis. Jason’s moans spill through his fingers as his hand flies to his mouth. Jesse speeds up, one hand running down the moaning boy’s perfect thigh, the other stroking and squeezing his balls. Jason tries to last as long as possible as he nears, muttering desperate profanities as he grips a hand full of his bedsheets._

Jason’s eyes fly open.

He’s gripping a hand full of his bedsheets. Light leaks through his bedroom curtains, slicing up the floor into dark and light increments. He twists his head to look at the clock on his nightstand.

_3:48 am_.

He feels the fabric of his boxers being stretched uncomfortably and he pulls his sheets to the side; revealing his large, throbbing, precum-soaked boner under the fabric.

_Wet Dream..._

He rubs his tired eyes, biting his lip.

_About Jesse..._

He trails his hand down to his boxers, and tugs them down, imagining it was Jesse’s hand instead of his.

———

It’s almost 4 am and Jesse’s meds are causing him to lay restlessly in bed, staring up at the broad ceiling. It was covered in spits of moisture where the low-quality plasticine had managed to let the pipes leak through. He’s grown bored of counting the watermarks and decided he can’t distract himself any further. _Jason. Their encounter._

Jesse was used to lusting after cute guys; in fact, it was one of his main hobbies, or maybe a growing self-destructive tendency. He’d actually thought he had a promiscuity problem in the past. He craved sex like a dog but all the mindless fucking had led him to feel used and worthless. Like all he was, was a one-night stand, a body, just a piece of meat to play with. But it wasn’t like that with Jason, no, the feeling was different this time. Something new and great and potentially disastrous. Something that could be marvellous or implode entirely. This was something more than _just lust_.

Jesse felt ridiculous, he’d only just met the kid, really. Perhaps he’s jumping the gun. Or simply confused. He needed _more time_.

It shocked him how comforting Jason’s presence was, his voice was. He missed him.

He’d found Jason’s number the night that he saw him outside of Therapy. He has to admit that he did some hard Facebook stalking that night.

His hand hovers over the call button.

_He won’t even pick up._

He sits up in bed and runs an anxious hand through his matted hair.

_Just do it._

He hits the call button. The instant ringing of the phone feels deafening in his utterly silent room.

_God. This is so stupid. I don’t even know the guy. He’s probably not even awake._

A thought shoots through his head - he’s fucked tons of guys he’s known nothing about with unquestioning ease but yet he’s freaking out over this simple gesture. He didn’t know which was more pathetic.

He goes to hang up the phone, moving his thumb smoothly across his screen, hovering it above the _end call_ button with hesitation.

“Hello?” Jason’s raspy voice comes from the other side of the line.

_Shit, shit._

“Uh, hi. It’s Jesse... from therapy.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry for calling so late. I just wanted to thank you again for the other night. I was a fucking mess and you.. well, you made me feel a lot better, so..”

There’s a small pause as Jason gathers himself, “It’s fine. I mean, really. It’s cool.” Jason shuffles about on the other side of the line.

Jason’s voice emits smooth waves of warmth through Jesse, it was seriously as cool and smooth as butter. It was calming his nerves, making him long for more of his voice, he never wants him to stop talking. He never wants his presence to stop.

Jesse puts on a fake sense of confidence, “You know, we should like totally hang out sometime.” He catches half-asleep Jason off-guard.

“Yeah, you know, I actually have this party to go to tomorrow.” He checks the time, “Well technically tonight.” He breathes a laugh awkwardly. He had never been great at the whole basic human interaction thing. “You should come.”

“Alright. Pick me up whenever. I’ll text you my address.” Jesse shoots in the dark, hoping Jason was willing - and hoping he even had a ride. Thankfully he was right.

“Okay, but I have to stop somewhere on the way.” Jason likes Jesses’ playful snarkiness. It kind of turns him on, especially in the afterglow of the orgasm he’d just had.

“That’s fine.”

Jesse’s oddly suggestive tone of voice is seriously giving him the hots. It wasn’t hard to tell that Jesse was gay and that he wants him, but Jason didn’t know if Jesse actually felt anything for him, or if he just wanted to fuck. He guesses he’ll find out soon enough.


	4. BTDUBBS

_11 pm, Jesse’s house_

Jason’s tyres squeak to a stop. Night had fallen not too long ago now, but the street was well-lit due to the overhanging streetlights. Unlike the ones before, these were blaring white and humming dimly above. He took a glance out in front of him, the long street appearing to tail off into the abyss ahead.

_Ping._ He turned his attention to the pale blue light emanating to his right – his phone sitting on the passenger’s seat. He cringed at the strain on his retinas as he focused on it, the white enema eventually focusing into a clearer picture, “BTDUBBS, knock on the basement door, not the front one.”

Jason grinned, “ _B-t-dubbs_.” He said to himself, thoroughly amused. As if this kid could get any gayer. He snatches his phone and slams it into his pocket after checking the time. _11:30 on the dot. It feels a lot later than it is._

He rubs his hands together, basking in the comforting heat of his car before stepping out into the stinging Schenectady cold. He shivered briefly and shut the door behind him, jumping at the noise it made. “Jeez.” he muttered, agitated. Everything sounded harsh in contrast to the deep silence of the street. It was slightly unnerving; not a cricket or a car within earshot.

He had to admit that he was nervous. He wasn’t generally a party person, let alone someone who invites random guys from therapy out to get fucked up with him. He appreciated his own nerve though, he’d been bored sick, and couldn’t get his mind away from his own thoughts.

Finally - a distraction. The distraction he’d been craving.

He looks around for any indication of the path to the basement and spots it, black iron rails and flat concrete steps. Jason smooths down his khaki shirt and ruffles his hair before making his way towards the stairs. Jesse’s house was pretty small, classically suburban, and painfully American. It wasn’t creepy like the rest of the street had been, but it looked rather melancholic in the gloomy blue lighting. Before he’d knew it, he’d reached the bottom of the stairwell. He found his feet amidst a coarse welcome mat. It was stained with mud but he could faintly make out the words. _Welcome to Hell._ Nothing about this boy could surprise him anymore, he concluded.

He let a drawn-out sigh escape his lungs. He knocked.

The porch light snapped on seconds after he knocked, and he waited for a long while. Of course, it was only about 40 seconds in real-time but it felt like forever when he was so anxious and anticipating.

Finally, the door opened, revealing Jesse, dressed nicely, with the same blue eyes and pink nose. His eyes seemed to glisten with the reflection of the porch light, endearingly watery and innocent. Of course, he was anything but.

“Hey, sexy.” Jesse smirks and leans a hand against the door, resting his weight on it.

Jason is slightly taken aback, flustered. He knew Jesse hadn’t meant much by it but it simply caught him off guard. “Oh, uh, hey.” He tried his best to act nonchalant and keep his voice steady but by the satisfied smirk on Jesse’s face, he suspected he’d failed miserably.

They stood for a second, Jason eyeing Jesse awkwardly, not knowing what he should say next. He takes the opportunity to look past his shoulder, and something catches his eye.

“Holy shit, you like Black Flag?” Jason couldn’t hide the excitement in his voice.

Jesse takes a glance back and notices the poster in question, “What? Gayboys can’t like punk bands?” He muses lightly.

“You just, I don’t know, don’t seem like the type.” Jason’s eyes find the floor as he rubs his neck awkwardly, rocking back on his heels.

Jesse rolls his eyes. _This boy is hopeless_. “I’m fucking with you,” He grabs a handful of Jason’s shirt and pulls him into his room, much to Jason’s’ surprise, “C’mere, I wanna show you something.”

And so Jason’s standing in his room, looking around bashfully at his poster plastered walls and strange paraphernalia. It’s not at all what he expected. A strange mix of clashing aesthetics and clutter.

“I know it’s a bit messy in here right now, you don’t have to say it.” Jesse is across the room, digging around in a drawer on his knees for.. something.

“No.. no, it’s really cool actually.” Jason says distantly, trying to work out whether he was looking at a pile of skinny-spined books or CDs. He realised it was both. “You have, really good taste wow.”

“At least take me out to dinner before you start talking about my taste, babe.” Jesse giggles into the drawer, making Jason’s cheeks flush red. Good thing he couldn’t see. “ _Aha,_ ” He finds his way back to his feet, “here.” He slips a black pile of fabric into Jason’s hand, smirking. “Check it out.” He looks at him expectantly.

“No way.” Jason’s eyes glow as he unravels the soft fabric in his hands, “No fucking way.”

“Yes fucking way.” A pleased smile grows on Jesse's face, “They only made like 10 of those ever, and _I got one_.”

Jason looks at him incredulously, “How did you get this?”

“A lady never tells” he winks, sitting down on his unmade bed. “I want you to have it.” He looks up at him and they meet eyes.

“What? No. I mean, I can’t! It’s yours!” As desperate as he is to say yes, he’s not an asshole.

“Seriously Jay, keep it! You have to wear it to the party you’ll look so hot”

He looks at the shirt, contemplating. “But-“ He’s quickly cut off.

“No buts! Put it on.” “And then we can go.” He says sternly.

Jason complies, shifting uncertainly on the spot. “Do.. do you want me to just-?”

“Yeah. Put it on here.” Jesse smirks and crosses his legs, his eyes going straight through Jason’s own.

Jason flushed red, again. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt, hands shaking slightly, feeling watched like an animal. It wasn’t uncomfortable, he was just rather insecure about this sort of thing. He pulls the green fabric off his shoulders and discards it momentarily on the floor. He hooks his fingers under his white t-shirt and slides it over his head.

Jesse makes a satisfied noise as he takes in the half-naked body in front of him, his smirk growing further up his cheeks.

Jason refused to make eye contact. He could already feel every area Jesse’s eyes explored; he didn’t have to see them to know that he was looking. He quickly pulls on the shirt and smiles coyly.

Jesse gets up and gets close to him, “It fits perfectly, don’t you think?” he faintly runs a finger down Jason’s clothed abdomen, forcing him to shiver under the soft touch. God, he was _so_ touch-starved. He wasn’t exactly lady material back home.

“Y-yeah.” He manages, eyes fixed on Jesse’s.

Jesse steps back, taking Jason out of his boy-induced trance, “Anyways, c’mon we have a _totally awesome, raging party_ to get to.” He mocks, grabbing Jason’s jacket off the floor for him and slipping out the door before Jason could comment.


	5. Oxycodone

Jason pulls up to the pharmacy. Through the glinting windows, he could see racks of medicine lining the walls, adorned with a mix of dulled and colourful labels. The lights flickered faintly and spilled out into splotches on the street outside. Jason eyes Jesse nonchalantly, hoping he wouldn’t question him.

“I’ll be right back.” Jason unbuckles his seat belt.

“You’re going to steal drugs, aren’t you?” Jesse accuses, before Jason could escape.

Jason sighs, red-handed, “Alright I promised my friend that I’d bring some Oxy’s, okay?”

Jesse crosses his arms and tilts his head, “And you didn’t even invite me to help?” Jesse asks, mock-offended, and Jason can’t help but find it adorable.

Jason smirks, not exactly surprised but definitely relieved, “Well, what are you waiting for?” he bashes Jesse’s arm playfully, “C’mon.”

They make their way into the pharmacy, pretending to look at the random stuff lining the aisles. They take glances at behind the counter, a wall of white and blue and green and purple bottles of pills and liquid medicine.

Jesse nodded at Jason once before taking it upon himself to distract the pharmacist. The pharmacist turned his attention to Jesse who was looking for a ‘last-minute prescription’ bottle of Xanax.

“Oh crap, I think I’ve forgotten my prescription..” Jesse pats down his pockets for added effect and makes a cheesily apologetic face.

The shop was about to close and the pharmacist didn’t get paid enough for arguments with reckless teens. “Yeah, well we’ve just run out but I’ll look in the back for you.” “Right this way.” He said with a drained smile before making his way to the back of the store. Jesse nodded again at Jason before turning to follow him.

Jason jumps swiftly over the white counter. His eyes scan the wall of medicine before settling on a white bottle with a blue label, _oxycodone_ in bold black letters. _Jackpot._ He swipes the bottle off of the shelf and slips it into his pocket. He turns on his heel to leave, but a voice stops him in his tracks.

“Hey! What are you doing?!” The pharmacist may be able to excuse a potential liar, but definitely not a thief. He runs after him and Jason’s hopping over the counter and sprinting to the door, tripping over his own shoelaces. Jesse’s attempting to skive around the pharmacist and make towards the door.

They slip out of the door in the nick of time, narrowly slipping from the pharmacist clawing at the fabric of their shirts. Jesse struggles to hold the door shut from the outside, his sweaty fingers slipping on the handle, as Jason glides into the car. He flicks the keys and with a hoarse heave of the engine, manages to start it up. He wastes no time in stepping on the gas, pulling up beside Jesse and managing to push the passenger door open, yelling for him to get in. Jesse takes one last glance at the door, behind it the pharmacist still struggling to oppose his force, and jumps into the car, the tyres screeching violently as they drive off, laughing in relief and feeling their blood rushing frantically through their veins.

—

They could hear their destination before it was even in sight. A deep, droning, thumping sound. _Music._ It had taken longer than either of them suspected, despite Jason driving over the speed limit as he tends to do. It had just turned 1:30 am.

Slowly, more signs of unrest showed; the density of bottles lining the grass directly proportional to each meter they travelled. Then _there it was_. Jesse had never seen anything like it.

He had realised that they were in a rich neighbourhood as soon as they had entered the estate, the houses getting vastly more lavish the farther in they drove, the roofs so high that they were out of eyeshot from where Jesse was sitting. He craned his neck out the window and a cold rush of air stung at his face, pushing back his blonde hair. These were the smoothest grounds he’d ever felt; nothing like the harsh jagged potholes lining his street.

This house was grand and eye-straingingly white, with bright pillars lining its entrance, and double-paned windows decorating its front side. A faded American flag hung from one side of the house, looking small and flimsy in comparison to the rest of the building. On the other was a blue flag with yellow adornments which Jesse couldn’t quite place. Two thick stumped trees hugged the entrance also; tall with spindly, drooping leaves, not quite brown yet in the transition to Autumn.

“Shit, Jay, I didn’t know you were taking me to a yuppie party.”

Jason’s eyes stayed fixed on the house, “Neither did I…” Jason didn’t think AJ looked like someone who would occupy a house like this. His appearance was way too scraggly and grease-ridden, his mannerisms way too renegade. He actually began to think it wasn’t his house at all. He didn’t put it past him.

They walk up the narrow pathway together, avoiding red cups and people’s unconscious limbs. Maybe this party would be good after all. Bass thumps from the house’s walls and nestles in the pit of their stomachs, shaking up the acid in there and making butterflies arise. It dizzies Jesse. He’d always had an irrational fear of low pitched, rhythmic noises. It reminded him of heartbeats. And he _hated_ the sound of heartbeats.

Jesse follows absently behind Jason as he walks through the house, snaking his way through gaps in the sea of bodies. The inside was just as white and minimal as the out, a few paintings here and there and some deep brown furniture. It really was a boring sight.

They reach the living room area where the first bit of colour of the night shows - the oddly patterned mauve carpet. This room is less crowded. People are mostly sitting around smoking and taking pills, the music a blurred hum through the thick walls. Jason walks over to a large framed body and taps him on the arm.

“What took you so long!” he nudges him back and brings him into the straightest hug Jesse’s ever had the displeasure of witnessing. “Hey, did you bring them?” He whispers to Jason. Jason fiddles with his jacket button and throws it open, pulling the bottle out of his pocket.

“I’m a man of my word.” He smirks.

Jesse takes him in. His oddly stained wife-beater crumples around his body, his large muscles prominent. His hair is dark and grease-slicken, back in a 50’s-reminiscent style, with little bouncy hairs falling in front of his face. His thick long-islander accent definitely suits his appearance. He doesn’t look very approachable, but Jesse tries not to be put off by it, standing timidly near Jason and trying to figure out what to do with his loose hands.

“Who’s this?” he motions towards Jesse, slicking a rolling paper with his tongue to close up his joint.

“Oh, uh, AJ, this is Jesse and Jesse, this is AJ.” He motions accordingly.

AJ sticks the joint behind his ear and raises his hand to give Jesse a mocking little wave, with a mocking, shit-eating, grin to go with it.

Jason leans into his ear, “Don’t take offence, he’s an asshole to everyone.” Jesse giggles back.

AJ grabs the pills off of Jason and raises them in the air, “Who wants some Oxys?!” AJ announces to the room. People cheer and a few crowd around him to get their share. He tosses one to Jason and one to Jesse. “Bottoms up, kids.” He smirks.

Jesse had assumed he would have to take the pills, but that didn’t stop his nerves from climbing up his throat. Sure, he used to sell drugs, but he rarely took them. Even when he did, they were just behind-the-counter drugs that he’d swallow a few too many of to get woozy. But this was the real deal. He just hoped he wouldn’t get a bad trip.

They both gulp the pills back and Jason takes the bottle of alcohol AJ stole off of an innocent party go-er to wash it down. He hands the bottle to Jesse and he takes a big swig, cringing as it coated his flesh raw, burning on the way down his oesophagus.

——

The drugs kick in.

Everything blurs.

The room is filled with smoke, and Jason’s seeing in sepia. He can’t tell whether the drugs are distorting his hearing, or if this song is as weird as it sounds. He can feel it go through him in waves, a weird fuzzy feeling in his stomach. It tickles him, his dry laugh getting lost in the chaos of the room. He takes a long drag of the cigarette he bummed off of a random girl. He had his own, but he wouldn’t turn down a free smoke. He glanced at his hands, and they moved in double time, lagging in swirls of colour against the bland sepia background.

Jesse leans against a wall opposite him, swaying slightly and tripping out of his mind. He loses his grip on his bottle and it hits the ground, smashing with a loud, sharp clash. His reaction is obscenely delayed, with him yelping and cringing away from the noise made a few seconds ago.

Jesse steps over the sharp clutter at his feet and stumbles his way over to Jason, crashing onto his lap clumsily. They make prolonged eye contact as Jesse’s head sways of its own accord. He snakes a hand around Jason, playing with the brown mess of hair on his head. Maybe it was the intoxication, or just his need to fulfil the sexual tension between them, but Jason grabs the smaller boys’ waist and closes the space between them, pulling him flat against him. Their lips smash together tenderly and they move drunkenly against one another. It feels even better than his fantasies. His stomach bubbles with excitement and nerves and sweet relief.

Jesse can taste the smoky cigarettes on his tongue, instantly making him crave one. He’d never tell Jason, but he had fuelled his addiction to them after the day they met. He pushed his tongue deeper into his mouth, trying to get the most of the lingering nicotine there. He rolls his hips down into Jason’s and loses a moan in his mouth.

Before they knew it, they were clambering their way up the stairs, Jesse sucking desperate purple love marks on Jason’s pale neck. Jason breathes out shakily, shivering as Jesse’s hands travel up his shirt.

He almost falls over as a picture on the wall catches his eye. Panic rises up his throat like foul, sticky bile as he tries to make sense of it.

“I-Is that AJ’s dad?” His voice cracks. He grips the mahogany banister as dizziness overcomes him. _This can’t be happening_.

Jesse mumbles confusedly into his neck.

“Oh god.” Jason’s cries. He pushes Jesse away lightly and looks at the ground, his mind racing and his vision swirling around and around. A result of the mix of substances throughout the night and this nauseating news.

“What’s wrong?” Jesse’s brow furrows as he stares at Jason, gripping the wall to steady himself.

He doesn’t answer. Just quickly scurries down the stairs and Jesse follows after him, wondering what he did wrong.

Jason finds himself in the living room again, too quick for Jesse to get a hold of. He pushes AJ hard from behind, causing him to jolt forward and turn on his heel, “What the fuck AJ? You got something to tell me?!” He cries out, anger boiling in his veins. People turn, the shouting catching their attention.

“What the- what the fuck are you on about? Get the fuck outta here!” AJ screams back, getting in his face.

Jason continues berating him, pushing him backwards and shouting things like, “Do you think I’m stupid?” “Why didn’t you fucking tell me?” only to get lost in all the chaos of the situation.

AJ’s too fucked up to even hear him, let alone make out any sense in his words. He just knows that he’s being roughed up in front of everyone, at his own party, and there’s no way he’ll let Jason get away with that shit. AJ pushes past him and shoves open the door, pushing him out roughly onto his porch, causing him to trip on his own feet and land flat on his ass. People are making their way outside to see what will happen next.

“Fuck you, then!” Jason attempts to clamber to his feet, slipping once again on the wet ground and falling. AJ almost feels bad for him, a drunken mess, making close to no sense and squaloring in the dirt of the cold, hard ground. But it was too late now – he had already made a scene. And AJ had an expectation to live up to. So as soon as Jason made it unsteadily to his feet to leave, he receives a vicious kick down the stairs. 

The shouting gets more heated as Jesse stumbles out the door behind other people to see what was going on.

“You’re scum, you know that Jason?!” AJs eyes narrow in disgust as he looks at the boy on the ground. He hocks up phlegm from the deep pits of his lungs and spits on him. _The nail in the coffin_.

AJ feels the fabric of his shirt being tugged forcefully from behind and turns instantly.

Then everything goes black.


	6. The After Party

He falls hard to the floor with a dull thump. Blood pooling at his head as his nose leaks warm, red liquid.

Jason looks up in shock as Jesse stares at his deep red knuckles, grazed with blood. He looked just as shocked as Jason felt, his mouth agape and his eyes wide. He manoeuvres around AJs large, still, body as two girls run over to help him, yelling for an ambulance and checking his pulse. He pulls Jason up by the arm as he makes a run for the car, “We need to go! Now!”

Jason nods as he snaps out of his shock. So many emotions run through his overstimulated head, but he wastes no time in running after him, patting his pockets down and hoping to everything that’s good on this green earth that he hadn’t lost his keys amidst the situation. He hadn’t. Thankfully.

He barely remembers getting in the car but turns to stare at the blurry lights and shadows of people in the dark from the back window of the car as they pull off, Jason swerving slightly down the road, obviously not suited to drive, but with no other choice. He couldn’t be there when the police showed up.

Jesse’s yelling frantically beside him, shaken up from what had happened, but Jason can’t decipher a single word. He’s still tripping balls from earlier and is just focussing on not crashing. At least the roads were quiet.

“I can’t go home like this, Jason, my pupils are fucking massive!” Jesse cries as he checks the sun visor mirror. With no response, he clutches at Jason’s leg, “Aren’t you listening to me?!”

“Oh.” He finally snaps out of his mind, tightening his grip on the leather steering wheel. “Yeah. Me neither. Let’s go somewhere.”

Jesse sits back and sighs, the adrenaline slowly dissipating in his bloodstream.

——

Jason decided to bring him to this old park he used to go to as a kid, so they could sober up a bit. They just about managed to jump the small wooden gate together in their state and trudged over to the old metal swing-set, their feet kicking up bits of rubber mulch. They attempted to swing, which didn’t go down too well, considering their ropey, alcohol lined stomachs. The cool metal bars stiffened up their fingers and stung them red. Jesse shoved them between his legs and the rubber seat, attempting to salvage his remaining body heat to stop his fingers from getting hypothermia. He wishes he had worn a jacket. Anything but this thin grey t-shirt.

It was then that Jason’s cold hands snaked his jacket around Jesse’s shoulders. Jesse looks at him and before he can open his mouth to complain, Jason blurts out, “Shhh! Don’t even say it. I like the cold, anyway.” His teeth clattering suggested otherwise but Jesse appreciated the sentiment regardless.

It was on that swing-set that Jason told Jesse all about his dad; that he was killed when he was young by this police officer. That it was hidden from him for so many years. That it turned out to be AJ’s dad. Jesse listened contently, sobering up slowly but surely.

“Do you think he’s okay? AJ, I mean… you don’t think I killed him or something, do you?” Jesse asked, his voice glazed with worry.

“Oh c’mon, you aren’t that strong, Jesse. He’ll be fine,” Jason placed a reassuring hand on his thigh, “He fucking deserved it, anyways. Kicking me when I’m down and shit.” Jason murmurs, venom in his voice.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he said, looking down at his knuckles, which were slowly bruising up. “fuck him.”

When they finally stopped seeing double, they made their way to a field beside the park, resting together up against a tree.

Jesse rested his head on Jason’s shoulder as they laid and looked out at the stars. It was probably the most genuinely romantic thing he’s ever done with anyone. It made him feel warm despite the cutting, icy air.

“This is just the beginning, you know.” Jason says quietly. Jesse looks up at him with warm, dulcet eyes.

Jason brushes his fingertips against Jesse’s jaw. “Now. Let’s do this for real this time. No interruptions.” He pulls his face up to his as their lips lock in a slow, delicate kiss. His body tingles and butterflies skip around in his stomach as they warm each other’s blue lips.

They break off silently, contented, continuing their gaze up at the stars before Jason whispers, “You know, I’d kill for some ice cream right now.”

Jesse giggles, his eyes crinkling at the corners, “Do you like it when you’re high?”

“I like it _all the time_.” he grins down at him.

“Tomorrow. Here. We can have ice cream and just chill together.”

“What about school? I thought you said any more tardiness and you’d get kicked out.” Jason coos.

_Fuck._

_School._

He had forgotten about that hell-hole successfully for a few hours in Jason’s company. But of course, hell is never-ending.

“None of that even matters. I was planning on dropping out anyway. Just. Do this for me, okay?” He didn’t mean to sound so desperate but truthfully, he _was_ desperate. He wanted this to work out. He _needed_ it to. Anything to give him some sort of hope for the future.

But Jason isn’t just ‘anything’. He’s everything.

Jason takes a moment of consideration before caving, “Fine. It’s a plan.” Jason grins and leans his head down, burying his nose in Jesse’s hair and closing his eyes, inhaling his intoxicating scent.


	7. I need this to work out.

_3:20, the park._

Light blares down on their sun-bitten cheeks. They’re sat on the same swing set as last night, the only contrast being the change in scenery. It’s much brighter, and (thank god), a lot hotter out. Typical New York heat. Jesse hasn’t even changed out of his t-shirt, just threw on a different pair of underwear and identical skinny jeans.

“I don’t remember this place being so dead.” Jason looks around at the eerily still apparatus, shiny and glowing with the heat of the sun, “I’m glad it is, though, never been too fond of kids. They’re really fucking annoying.”

Jesse clutches a melting ice cream in his warm hands, humming in agreeance as he licks at it.

“I can’t believe you chose _pistachio,_ who the fuck even eats pistachio?” Jason muses at him.

“Says you, _Mr. Rocky Road_ , what are you, 12?”

Jason glares, “Hey, it’s good, okay?”

Jesse giggles and goes to town on the creamy dairy product in his hands. Jason can’t help but watch obsessively as Jesse licks and sucks at the dripping ice cream.

He catches him out of the side of his eye, “What?” Jesse questions with a smirk.

“Uh, nothing.” Jason quickly looks away at the ground, trying to cover his tracks. He takes a scoop of ice cream into his mouth. “You just look really good when you swallow…” he didn’t mean to come off so dirty.

“You’d love to see me swallow _you_ , wouldn’t you?” Jesse says breathily.

Jason was far from expecting that. He gulps as he tries to think of an appropriate response, but he chokes. He’s never been good at dirty talk.

Jesse moves closer to him, as close as the swing’s chains would allow, and rests his free hand on Jason’s thigh. He tilts his head to the side as his hand moves up his thigh to his crotch. Jason blinks nervously, tensing up.

Jesse pulls away, frowning. “Oh god, I’m sorry. I’m such a fucking slut.” He shakes his head and refuses to meet Jason’s eyes.

“No, it’s okay.” Jason pulls his face back to face him, “I liked it.”

Jesse bites his lip and quickly leans in to give Jason a sweet kiss. He pulls back smiling, his eyes exploring his face all over, “Have I ever told you how pretty you are?”

“Pretty?” Jason laughs, blushing, “Thanks, I guess. I’ve never had anyone think I’m pretty.”

“Well,” Jesse pauses, his cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. He can’t believe he landed himself a boy like Jason. He’s fucking _perfect_ and he always will be. “I think you’re _beautiful._ ”


End file.
